Now I have Hope

In my past there was very little chance of me being called a bleeding optimist.  My attitude was one of despair and my idol was EEyore.  The attitude was like anything I did would have zero effect on anything.  It was actually quite a defeatist attitude.  Thinking about it now it was a great cop-out, if anything I ever did had no effect, then there were no consequences for me at all.  I never had to address any shortcomings or character defects as it really did not matter.  The problem was it may have not mattered to me, but to those in the world who were indeed affected, it mattered a lot.  All of this was due to personal choices and a lifestyle I maintained for a long time.  It was not a happy place and there was very little to be hopeful about.  I view pessimism as actually being the easy way to look at life; sure it is kind of depressing, but if there are no expectations, there can ever be any disappointments.  And it was easier for me in the past because I was used to disappointments and took them in stride saying that is just the way things are.  Some people say this is a realist attitude.  Okay, I can respect that way of looking at things, but for me I needed more.

Now I do have hope and the reward for that is getting called a bleeding optimist and I am okay with that.  Having hope does leave me vulnerable to let downs occasionally and I am trying to learn to take these in stride.  If life was a complete Utopia with no problems at all, pretty soon I would probable create some due to boredom!  I know I would surely take life for granted and expect everything to go my way.  This attitude was conveyed many years ago by Lord Tennyson “Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.”  This means taking risks and by taking risks I do not mean the risks I used to take by acting quite foolish and indestructible, that was living dangerously.  The risks I am taking now are more along the lines of not getting my way, but learning to live with the results, it means that I can awaken in the morning and actually look forward to the coming day with eagerness and think about what may come.  I no longer have to be woken up by dread of what I am expecting to happen.  It means stepping out sometimes and not knowing for sure that the bridge is there, usually it is, occasionally it is not, but I do have hope that it is.

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